To view our general death and grief resources go straight to the bottom of this page.
How To Make A Death File:
The reason you need to create a death file is that it not only allows you to have power over your body during the dying process (living will/advance health care directive, power of attorney(POA)/Health Care Surogate, durable Power of Attorney (POA) for health care) but it also lets you express how you’d like your body and assets to be honored after death (last will and testament, durable POA for estate, child appointed guardian etc.)
When you create a death file you can make it as specific as you want, outlining exactly how long you’d like to be on life support if at all, who gets what when you die, and what kind of burial (green, marine, cremation, or traditional coffin in concrete in graveyard), memorial, living funeral, or funeral is right for you.
You can be of any religion (including not any), mindset, and age to benefit from this resource, we’ve of course shared some of our favorite options with our earth and animist leaning point of view, but if you want our help: your personal views will be the way into discovering what is right for you as we work together, (not Lana’s or anyone else’s).
Setting up a death file can be an overwhelming task but there are many resources now available to help you (see below). A 1:1 session may be right for you, or one of the many platforms that provide streamlined templates, or with special cases you may still need to consult your attorney. Whatever approach you decide to take, we recommend talking with at least one loved one throughout this process. This way you’re not alone, and they won’t be surprised by your choices or their potential role.
Check out our resources below to learn more about all the platforms, professionals, and steps to keep in mind while creating your death file.
Above all else I see creating a death file as one of the most beautiful gifts you can give to your loved ones for the future, so that in the event of your death, all they have to focus on is mourning your dying, and celebrating your life (or the dance of fully grieving whilst fully loving as Stephen Jenkinson puts it).
-Lana Smithner
These 3 platforms have a plethora of their own tips and templates that you can use to create a will, fill out an advanced directive, and figure out all the end of life paperwork and planning you didn’t know you needed:
Lana Smithner also offers 1:1 sessions where she will help you compile your death file. They begin and end with a meditation, and are tailored to your desires, needs, and questions. In these sessions she can help you decide what you want to include in your will, who you want to name as your Power of Attorney, and make sure you have the correct advance health care directive filled out for your state (states have different names for this form). She can also share information on environmentally friendly end of life options such as water cremation, green burials, living funerals, and home funerals.
Email deathmedyingtree@gmail.com to book your session today.
Lana recommends a series of 3-5 sessions to complete your File
The investment for 5 sessions is $425
The Investment for 3 session is $300
You may prefer one session, which is $150 for 90 minutes, but just know that it will be faster paced with a bit less space for integration, breathing techniques, and opportunity for ritual.
To schedule a free 15 minute consultation with Lana to see if this feels right for you: Email deathmedyingtree@gmail.com
Scholarships are also available, ***no one is turned away, Lana is open to trades as well*** and again just email Lana to apply for a scholarship or to set up a trade.
Finally if you are currently dealing with death or dying, are supporting a dying loved one, or are grieving; Lana offers 1:1 support sessions that focus on embodiment techniques to hold all your processing: these are offered for $100 for 75 minutes. Again, ***no one is turned away, discounted session rates and trades are available.
Death is often unexpected and acute, so Lana always leaves open time in her schedule to accommodate these last minute situations.
Here’s how to start your death file:
Click here to find out what Advance Health Care Directives are called in your state:
This website tells you state by state what each of the forms are called that you will need to fill out in order to advocate for your dying or dead self. The forms are only valid for that state so if you live in multiple states, I recommend you fill out multiple forms.
***If you want to choose who has power of attorney over you and your body if you’re incapacitated: this is especially important to fill out. If you have a friend or partner you aren’t married to and would like them to have rights when you’re in the hospital, or have a say in your body’s after life care, this is extremely important to fill out. If you do not legally specify who you want to make important decisions for you- this duty will fall on medical professionals and your next of kin (wife/husband, parents, then siblings, and so on); it’s common to have friends or partners who actually know your wishes better than your next of kin, thus the immediate need for these forms.***
We could go into so much more detail, which this topic deserves, but our final plug here is that it’s helpful to have a detailed conversation asking the person who you want to be your surrogate (Power Of Attorney)
1. if they can take on this duty and honor and,
2. telling them your wishes so when it’s time to make hard decisions, they are as prepared as possible to represent you.
This website has all these forms and more: Advance Health Care Directive/Living Will/ Durable Power of Attorney/ basic Will/ durable POA for estate/ child appointed guardian forms for every state: first you fill it out online, then you print it, then you sign it in front of two witnesses and/or a notary (this requirement varies state to state).
We also recommend that you keep the physical copy in your at-home-death-file and also upload the document onto a database like Google Drive or Dropbox; and tell not only your main Power of Attorney (surrogate) but also other loved ones what the password is to your Dropbox account or send them the links to these forms— so that they can access them anytime you are hospitalized or die.
E-Forms offers printing for a price, but you can also download it and print it yourself. You can also find all of these forms for the state you live in on other online platforms. We want to emphasize that It is possible to do all of this for free– (you can use two witnesses instead of a paid notary, and you can download these forms and fill them out without a lawyer).
Here are Two other website where you can find and print your Advance Directive/Living Will for free:
U.S. Advance Directive Care Plan Registry
AARP Free Printable Advance Directives
Myths and Facts About Health Care Advance Directives:
This super helpful document from the American Bar Association goes into further detail answering questions in myth vs. fact format about Health Care Advance Directives.
Very Detailed Death Care Directive:
This Death Care Directive was created by Olivia Bareham- the teacher of Lana’s Death Midwifery Course- and goes into much more detail than the basic Advance Health Care Directive. We recommend purchasing one of these if having a physical workbook sounds supportive to you ($10 plus shipping). Keep it in your death file for when you are ready to truly contemplate and prepare for your death. This directive helps you think of almost every little detail so that your loved ones don’t have to.
Personal Self-Assessment Scale (PSAS):
The PSAS goes over what DNR means in actuality and will help you to determine at what point you do not want medical intervention. As always you can be as detailed as you want by writing in variables (i.e. “I don’t want to be on any life support unless I’ve become a parent” or “I want the medical professionals to do everything they can to bring me back to life if I’m in a coma for two months, but after two months I want to be taken off life support”). This as with the Advance Directive, should be continually updated throughout your life as you learn and grow and change. The form with the most recent date will automatically cancel out all the previous ones.
Now what about a Will?
This is my favorite online template where you can easily create a simple Will:
Of course if you have a complicated situation you’ll need to consult an attorney. This article from Cake can help you to determine whether or not you need an attorney’s help to create your will: Should You Make a Will Online? 10 Things to Consider
Here’s another article from Cake that reviews all your different online Will template options: 13 Online Will Makers Compared: Which is Best for You?
Giving Back to the Earth: Alternative Burial Options
Humans are currently the only species on the planet who do not naturally give back or feed life with their death… (quite literally your body is full of nutrients the earth needs and when your body is encased in concrete (or a traditional burial) this is not possible, nor is it possible to make life from carbon ashes (or traditional cremation)): here’s an article with other “giving back options”.
Below is a diagram by Nathan Butler that shows the difference between a traditional coffin-in-the-graveyard burial and a green burial:
The laws vary state to state and it’s shockingly difficult to dispose of a body, some of these laws make sense as taking extreme care of our sacred flesh vessels is profoundly important, and we don’t want to contaminate the earth for those who are still living.
Yet many don’t make sense and are oriented towards allowing the funeral industry to maintain their monopoly. Fortunately there is a new movement towards green burials, environmentally friendly cremation options, and home funerals (very affordable)… this can be overwhelming and sometimes Lana wishes her body could just be eaten by crows but alas there are many humans and dwindling resources… thus we’ve created this resource.
Previously Lana’s favorite option was a marine burial where her body would be wrapped in a biodegradable shroud and released into the ocean… She would only want to do this if her body was chemical free in the end as to not pollute the whales and birds that would hopefully consume her minerals and molecules (her body). But…
Now Lana’s favorite burial option is simply a green burial (seen above), it’s the most affordable after cremation (which is so very harm causing to our ecosystems) and it’s becoming more and more popular as it was the norm 150 years ago and hopefully will be again.
Click here to find a green burial cemetery or sanctuary near you.
The founder of Recompose recently helped to change Washington State’s legislation to make this progressive and environmentally friendly alternative to cremation legal. She is a hero. Definitely check this out.
This company is also an example of a cutting edge alternative to traditional cremation (which is not environmentally friendly)- this option is expensive- but it does allow you to give back to the earth in your dying…
Writing Letters of Love and Forgiveness
A beautiful exercise Lana learned in her death midwifery training was to write letters for loved ones before you or they die. If you have loved ones who are in the last phase of their lives consider telling them what they mean to you (and mail that letter now)! Another powerful exercise is to write letters for the future and leave them in your death file, to be discovered and read along with your last will and testament. This is a great opportunity to write down any final words of love or forgiveness both resolved and unresolved.
And now a little more from Lana:
I am now a death doula: here are the main reasons I went through this process and training:
1. In order to really appreciate and understand my own life:
***I needed to learn about the death process***
***what dying meant to me***
***and how I wanted to die***
I knew that if I did this I would have a better understanding of how I wanted to live… and I do!
2. I want to be a resource for my loved ones. I know that not everyone wants to or can delve into this business of death so I am here for you. If you are dying and want my help, contact me. If you are afraid of dying and want my council, contact me. If you are curious about death, contact me. If you need help preparing for your imminent or eventual death, contact me. If you need help filling out any of these forms or have questions about anything I’ve mentioned above, contact me. If you want to know more about green burials, marine burials, infant tree burials, or pyre cremation, contact me. If you want to discuss the reality of organ donation, contact me. If you want to learn about caring for your loved ones’ body after death (i.e. home funerals), contact me. If you are curious about the three day vigil for your body after death, contact me. If you are interested in being led in a death meditation drum journey in order to confront your death and learn how to invoke your life desires more, contact me. If you would like to learn tools in order to access your own spiritual wisdom (that already resides in your body) regarding death, contact me.
***when you email me I promise I will wake up from this sleeping pigeon pose that perhaps represents my death and hop to your service unless I’m already dead and in that case light a candle and contact me jk?***
Grief and Death Resources:
… in case you need to support a loved one or yourself through bereavement.
- Here’s a video poem we made to help you process and open your sensory body, (which helps with planning and digesting): “The Stages of Death”
- You can watch this HBO Documentary to learn more about what others have chosen: Alternate endings: six new ways to die in america.
- How to Talk to loved ones experiencing grief by “Refuge In Grief” (Megan Devine also has a helpful book called “It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay”)
- “A Sacred Passing” is an incredible Seattle based End of Life Organization and community with this profound resource: https://deathresourcecenter.com
- The Green Burial Council is a beautiful database and nonprofit to help you organize releasing your loved one’s body back to the earth
Thank you for taking the time
to organize your end of life plans,
now go enjoy your LIFE!